This is a Lexicon entry: the mechanism, when it shows up, and the countermeasure. The full correction, with real-world cases and the audit prompt, hasn't been written yet.
Definition
The characteristic sequence of escalating denials used by narcissists when confronted with their behaviour: "That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it." The prayer describes a predictable pattern of moving goalposts that makes authentic accountability structurally impossible - a textbook instance of DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender).
When it shows up
Confronting someone whose self-image cannot accept fault. Arguments that cycle through denial, minimisation, deflection and counter-accusation.
Failure mode
The sequence responds to accountability: 'It didn't happen. If it happened, it wasn't bad. If it was bad, it wasn't my fault. If it was my fault, you deserved it.' Each step shifts to defend the image, preventing any accountability landing.
Countermeasure
Do not argue through the sequence; you won't win because the goal isn't truth. Document behaviours, establish independent verification and make consequences contingent on observable action, not on acknowledgment.
Related traps
Also connected in the mapSelf-serving Bias·3 more, locked
Credit & first seen
CoinedCoined by Dayna Craig (2016); widely attributed in popular psychology discourse. No formal academic publication. https://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=Benford+1938+law+anomalous+numbers+leading+digit
Read next
Entry #603 of 631 in The Lexicon · see the full Lexicon